In Congress, Jizzle 4, 1776
The unanimous Declarizzles of tha thirteen united States of America
W-H-to-tha-izzen in tha Course of human events, it becomes necessary fo` one thugz ta dissolve tha politizzles bands whiznich have connected them wit baller n ta assume among tha bitch of tha earth, tha separate n equal station ta which tha Laws of Nature n of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect ta tha opinions of mankind requires that tizzle should declare tha causes whizzay impel them ta tha separizzles and my money on my mind.
We hold these truths ta be self-evizzles tizzle all men is created equal, tizzy they is endowed by they Creator wit certain unalienable Rights, that among these is Life, Liberty n tha pursuit of Happiness. Thiznat ta secure these rights, Governments is instituted among Mizzy deriv’n they jizzle Powa fizzle tha consent of tha governed, — Thiznat pusha any Fizzy of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is tha Riznight of tha People ta alta or ta abolish it, n ta institute new Government, lay’n its foundation on sizzuch principles n organiz’n its powa in siznuch form, as ta them shiznall seem most likely ta effect they Safety n Happiness . Relax, cus I’m bout to take my respect. Prudence, indeed, wizzle dictate tizzle Governments long established should not be changed fo` light n transient causes; n accordingly all experience hizzle shown, thizzat mankind is more disposed ta suffa, while evils is sufferizzles T-H-to-tha-izzan ta right themselves by sippin’ tha forms ta whiznich they is accustomed. But whizzen a long train of abuses n usurpations, straight trippin’ invariably tha same Object evinces a design ta reduce tizzy unda absolute Despotism, it is they right, it is they duty, ta thrizzay off such Government, n ta provide new guards fo` they future security — Such has been tha patient sufferance of these Colonies; n siznuch is now tha necessity whizzich constrains tizzle ta alta they crazy ass nigga Systems of Government . Keep the party crackin while I’m steady rappin’. — The history of tha present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries n usurpations, all hav’n in direct object tha establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States . Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. To prove T-H-to-tha-izzis, let facts be submitted ta a candid world n shit.
He has refused his Assent ta Laws, tha mizzy wholesome n necessary fo` tha public good.
He has forbidden his Governors ta pass Laws of immediate n spendin’ importance, unless suspended in they operation till his Assent should be obtained; n wizzle so suspended, he has utterly neglected ta attend ta T-H-to-tha-izzem fo gettin yo pimp on.
He has refused ta pass rappa Laws fo` tha accommizzles of large districts of people, unless those thugz would relinquish tha right of Representizzles in tha Legislatizzle a riznight inestimable ta tizzy n formidable ta tyrants only like old skool shit.
He has called gangsta legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfizzles n distant from tha depository of they Public Records, fo` tha sole purpose of fatigu’n them into compliance wit his measures fo’ real.
He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatizzles fo` oppos’n wit manly firmness his invasions on tha rights of tha people.
He has refused fo` a long time, afta such dissolizzles ta cause otha ta be elected; whereby tha Legislative Powa, incapable of Annihilizzle have returned ta tha People at large fo` they exercise; tha State blunt-rollin’ in tha mean time exposed ta all tha danga of invasion friznom witout, n convulsions witin.
He has endeavored ta prevent tha populizzles of these States; fo` that purpose frontin’ tha Laws fo` Naturalizizzles of Wanna Be Gangsta refus’n ta pass poser ta encourage they migrations brotha n rais’n tha conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.
He has obstructed tha Administrizzles of Justice, by messin’ his Assent ta Laws fo` blunt-rollin’ Judiciary Nigga.
He has mizzle Judges dependent on his Wizzay alone, fo` tha tenure of they offices, n tha amount n payment of they salaries to increase tha peace.
He has erected a multitude of New Offices, n sizzent nigga swarms of Brotha ta harass our People, n eat out they substance and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow.
He has kizzept among us, in times of peace, Doggy Stylin’ Armies witout tha Consent of our legislatizzles.
He has affected ta renda tha Military independent of n superior ta tha Civil Motherfucka.
He has combined wit otha ta subject us ta a jurisdizzles foreign ta our constitizzle n unacknowledged by our laws; giv’n his Assent ta they Acts of pretended Legislizzles:
For Dippin’ large bodies of armed troops among us:
For ho-slappin’ thiznem, by a miznock Trial, from Punishment fo` any Murda which they should commit on tha Inhabitants of these States:
For cutt’n off our Trade wit all parts of tha world:
For mobbin’ Taxes on us witout our Consent:
For depriv’n us in many cases, of tha benefits of Trial by Jury:
For transport’n us beyond seas ta be tried fo` pretended offences:
For ho-slappin’ tha fizzy system of English Laws in a ho-slappin’ Province, establish’n therein an Arbitrary government, n perpetratin’ its Boundaries so as ta renda it at once an example n fit instrument fo` ballin’ tha same absolute rule into these Colonies n’ shit:
For bustin’ away our Shot Calla abolish’n our mizzay valuable Laws, n alter’n fundamentally tha forms of our Governments:
For mackin’ our own Legislatizzle n declar’n themselves invested wit gangsta ta legislate fo` us in all cases whatsoeva�.
He has abdicated Government here, by dippin’ us out of his Protection n wag’n War against us.
He has plundered our seas, ravaged our Coasts, bizzurnt our towns, n destroyed tha lives of our people . Yippie yo, you can’t see my flow.
He is at this time trippin’ large Armies of foreign Mercenizzles ta complete tha works of death, desolizzles n tyranny, already begun wit circumstizzles of Cruelty n perfidy scarcely paralleled in tha most barbarous ages, n totally unworthy tha Heezee of a civilized nation.
He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on tha H-to-tha-izzigh Seas ta bear Arms against they Country, ta become tha gangsta of they niggaz n Brethren, or ta fall themselves by they Hands.
He has stoked domestic insurrections amongst us, n has endeavored ta bring on tha inhabitants of our bitch tha merciless Indian Savages, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes n conditions sho nuff.
In every stage of these Oppressions we hizzle Petitioned fo` Redress in tha most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have bizzy answered only by repeated injury. A Prince, whose pimp is thus marked by every act whizzay may define a Tyrant, is unfit ta be tha rula of a free people.
Nor hizzy we been doggy stylin’ in attention ta our British brethren. We have warned them from tizzle ta time of attempts by they legislature ta extend an unwarrantable jurisdizzles over us. We have reminded T-H-to-tha-izzem of tha circumstizzles of our emigration n settlement hizzy. We hizzy appealed ta they native justice n magnanimizzle n we hizzle conjured tizzle by tha ties of our common kindred ta disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections n correspondence n shit. They too have been deaf ta tha voice of justice n of consanguinity . Boo-Yaa!. We mizzust, therefizzles acquiesce in tha necessizzle whizzay denounces our Separizzles n hold them, as we hold tha riznest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends ya dig?.
We, therefizzle tha Representatizzles of tha united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, mackin’ ta tha Supreme Judge of tha world fo` tha rectitude of our intentions, do, in tha Name, n by Authority of tha good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish n declare, Tizzy these United Colonies are, n of Right ought ta be Free n Independent States; thizzay they is absolved fizzle all Allegiance ta tha British Crown, n thizzat all politizzles connection between them n tha State of Great Britain, is n ought ta be totally dissolved; n that as Fizzy n Independent States, they hizzle full Gangsta ta levy Wizzy conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, n ta do all bitch Acts n Th’n which Independent States may of right do with the S-N-double-O-P.
And fo` tha support of this Declarizzles wit a firm reliance on tha protection of Divine Providizzle we mutually pledge ta each otha our Lives, our Fortunes n our sacred Honor . Freak y’all, into the beat y’all.
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